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Childhood

You pull me out of my own breath  left me speech less, I could not see any thing clear  as if I was in the dark, When you reach into my chest  I thought you were reaching out for my heart, but when you tried to rip my soul apart  in the loneliness of the dark, I could not breathe my chest ached for days. I used to run away from you I used to run far away, to the place you cannot see me I feel guilt I feel pain I feel filth I wash my body every day the thought of you reaching out to me creeps me, disgust me I thought you were someone good I thought you were the savior I still can feel your hand crawling, crawling through my spine to the neck  grasping me from the back I cannot call for help I cannot cry you crushed me you crushed my soul now I cannot sleep the thought of you makes me puke makes my dream a nightmare all the lover I had I see you in them I see you, you, with red eyes, a big hand like claws clenching my chest making me weak my childhood was a bliss until you came.

Dedicated to all the बाटो को केटाहरु

हिड्दा  बाटोमा हजुर बाटोमा कती  नजरहरु  आफुतीर परछन हजुर नजरहरु केटा  मान्छे को नजर नजरहरु मात्र होईन, शब्दको वाणहरु  हजुर शब्दको वाणहरु हान्छन देखेर  "गिद्ध को अगाडी मासु " रे, यी शब्दको वाणहरु शब्दको वाणहरु संग नजरहरु हजुर नराम्रा नजरहरु  मुख देखि खुट्टा सम्म हेर्ने नजरहरु  छोटो मिनीस्कर्ट , जीन्स पाइंट वा  कुर्तासाल्वार  नजरहरु नराम्रा नजरहरु सबैमा परछन हजुर सबैमा  नाङ्गो छैन तैपनि हेर्ने नजरहरुले  नंगो पारछन  हजुर ती नराम्रा नजरहरु  शब्द यसरी खसाल्छन् जसरी सुनामी  हजुर शब्दहरु ती नराम्रा शब्दहरु 

अब सधै जस्तो  रहेन हाम्रो सम्बन्ध कतै  कही  रोकीनै पर्छ हामी किन हो अब मलाई एउटा ठहराब चाहिए को छ जादा जादा गन्तब्य हिन हुने हो की केहि धमिलो देखन थालेकी  छू
केहि कुरामाँ म संकीर्ण हुन थलेकि छू
मुटु नै  हो धेरै उड़ने सपना देखेकी छू कुनै कैदी भएर बस्नु छैन मलाई तिमी संगको साथ खोजेकी  छू सफल हुन्छु जस्तो लाग्छ तर अझै  सपनामा हराएकी  छू आखा खोली देखेको सपना मेरो कतै साथ छूटने पो हो की कालो बादल हट्ने  सपना देखेकी छू 







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[ Father ] a peculiar word to me.... I didn't thought "Father" this word will be so peculiar to me, As time goes by i wonder what is the real meaning?, I missed you so many years, But it seems you don't care, When you didn't call or send any letter, I lived in fear so many year, Everybody says "a girl is a princess of her father" But when it comes to me, I was neither princess nor daughter, When you say i was the reason, Reason that you left, Left all of us in misery, One day when you say,  You are not my daughter, I wonder how did you felt,The day i born, i don't like to fill up any form, Because there is written your father's name, I always ignore it, and don't write your name because of shame, Shame, what you did in your past, Shame when you tell everyone, I was dead to you, Those words stuck in my heart like a fat, I couldn't breath, and got a little heart attack, I cried for you, I don't know how it feels to have a father, When …

Confused?

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Without knowing me You make me part of your dream There was a fire in my heart,so deep But i was in dark side Hoping you won't see  I felt a pinch of guilt to make you know How i felt it lately, the feeling that grow The storm reaches into me And have taken  me away I wasn't there I thought i was there But i was not Why you have came this late I think this is fate Which i haven't believed anyway For this time i want to close my eyes And make you lead my way I didn't knew i lead you all this way and
Leave you there all alone
I thought i was alone but you were there all along You said you will be happy Happy only if your dream will come true I didn't want to took you  And make you feel, like a autumn leaf With all those mix feelings  You said you will wait, for like shooting star Wait until this fate change, but its making scar Scar in my heart, so deep Why after all this, i can't see blue sky  Am i going blind? or it's just like a fire fly  We feel this way, I am confused But you were not…